I went out

and saw my mom and totally thought I don't deserve to be abused, like have my eyes supposedly go wild.  He did that to me.

Nothing I have said has been totally wrong, and I will not glide across life worrying about what I said about the girl, which wasn't really bad and not considering what it was.  I don't listen to Ellen.  Someone get Ellen for doing all this.  I am being bombarded with messages from her.  I think she has hurt me and made me feel old.

So, tell me what's up, now?  Was what I said really that disruptive to you?  Cuz I'm not some female nigger animal object.  I am a strong girl, and everyone has smoothly treated me as such, except people with European fathers.

I hope you don't get mad at this, but I'm not sure what to retype so much as I'm adding explanation.  Yea, I feel like I've lost respect.  So, what?  Ellen has been sending me these messages since 2012, and it is wrong and painful, and so what if it's not painful?  So, what, if I cursed in pain?  You might think I stopped, but in a way I didn't just stop.

You started

with the girl "in" but you were racist to me.  How?  I got slipped in suggestions I wasn't white.  If Manipat Malloy doesn't consider herself white in the same way is a different story.

What Else Gets In the Way

2 boys haven't talked to me but expect me not to marry and also I wanted to be poly******.

Technically

You just chose not to punish and mock Ellen DeGeneres.  Don't tell me I deserve it more than others.

He should do the right thing.

But would he?

He is not wrong in his ways, but if he keeps following a single and rather straight linear path he would technically.  Someone would call him out softly.

All this crazy thinking

Is based on my old loser best friend and others like them for being mean and therefore not winning out as okay in the end.  You avoid normal thinking.  Most people do this.  I don't think this stuff is worth a ****.  People honestly thought highly of me before.  I don't have to accept this.  It is 1 big thing I am against.  It's the road that leads to nowhere.  It's something I talk about.  For instance, you all find it funny to think of some thing and keep the feeling going and make it an insult, like pretending you are the good 1.  Anyone want to rethink this part?

Hear No Evil See No Evil Speak No Evil

No Looky if you 1 biased Cookie

0:30 AM

Coach: Hi Christian, My name is Cindy. I see you selected suicide as a topic. Are you feeling suicidal?

0:30 AM

Christina Barrett: The thought came up.

0:30 AM

Christina Barrett: Like a physical thing in my head, like a ghost.

0:30 AM

Christina Barrett: It's similar to a feeling I got that I should hurt someone someone said.

0:30 AM

Christina Barrett: Ellen DeGeneres.

0:31 AM

Christina Barrett: I am stressed out cuz I think this boy does not accept me, and he will know I posted this, too. Josh Groban.

0:31 AM

Christina Barrett: Every time I talk to people now it's all about this redhead Bella Thorne. She's on magazines and stuff and from the same area of Florida as I am and Johnny Depp.

0:32 AM

Christina Barrett: They think I need to be punished this way. Sure, I could talk to someone else, but these people have somehow met me already and are like a dream come true.

0:32 AM

Coach: Wow, you are throwing out a lot of names. I am confused are you wanting to hurt yourself or someone else?

0:33 AM

Christina Barrett: All I did was I got an iPhone, and I am used to the BlackBerry with a keypad.. I know Bella was being disgusting to me to make me feel bewildered, so I said she was being disgusting, and Josh Groban has gone way out of hand with that. Ellen is playing around like I was bad to curse at her putting noises in my room.

0:34 AM

Christina Barrett: I don't want neither, but little thought sensations happen because of other people, so both, but the only person someone hypnotized me into wanting to hurt as a feeling was Ellen DeGeneres. I feel suicidal cuz Josh Groban likes Bella Thorne and not me or pretends to cuz Ellen communicates with her just to punish me. So, Ellen DeGeneres makes me suicidal. I think because of her honestly my mom has cancer.

0:35 AM

Coach: does your mom have cancer?

0:35 AM

Christina Barrett: Yes. There was a little in or behind 1 eye and breast cancer. She seemed pretty healthy as far as working out and eating more healthy than the rest of us.

0:40 AM

Coach: I am sorry she is not well.

0:40 AM

Coach: It sounds like it really caught you by suprise too

0:40 AM

Christina Barrett: Thanks. Yes.

0:42 AM

Coach: How can we help you tonight Christina?

0:43 AM

Coach: Would you like to be put in touch with suicide counselor?

0:45 AM

Christina Barrett: That boy is so hard on me, I'm afraid I lost him through a testing of a turn of events. I simply snapped back. Erm, I dunno you seem fine. I bet like I got put in the mental hospital, which has negative quality, that this is just a sign of early danger. You can put me with whoever you want or think right for this. I mean, it sounds fine. I've been feeling depressed like I'm too old to do anything, too. Like, I'm jealous of people who are in good movies or get attention for singing but my voice got old and I'm not publicly acclaimed. So, you can put me with one unless you can help me. I was a little worried, but it might just be me.

0:47 AM

Coach: What boy?

0:47 AM

Christina Barrett: Josh Groban

0:49 AM

Coach: I see. Would you like to talk to a licensed suicide counselor? I can put you in touch with them...

0:49 AM

Christina Barrett: OK thanks!

We want to know more

about you "getting it together" at age 12.

Well

Why isn't it just a nice meet?  If I weren't in Florida, it would be!  I like it here, though, too.

What It Is

I got a feeling of it, like people making me feel vicious over Ellen.

I don't wanna do it in my sleep, like I got all Fs 1 semester here.

Oh no!

"Thank you for your patience. You are number: 3 in line. One of our friendly Coaches will be with you momentarily."

The Hope Line - the suicide line

Stuff

What happened was Josh was stressed out by what all was expected.

I only worry a small mistake, like being mean to me, could grow into bigger ones.

Glass floors, marble staircases

is that what you got for teens today?

So

I can say you're not "white."

I don't take suckers

who say they have nothing to say to me but that I'm Asian, cuz I ain't.  Bye bye to things like practicing ballet or getting a college degree-

I think

ya'll are wrapped up on putting yourself on for others rather than being natural.

I didn't say you couldn't.

You didn't mean I don't.

I know..

..this is just feeling up the opposite way of what's normal to please bad people.  It's what I don't.

Problem

I see that I'm getting negative messages with negative things attached to me.  I feel it is a cheap punishment escape.  I'm not, like, some has been.  I don't give a **** about losers.

Hi

Hi, Josh.  I want you to know I take it seriously your personal life..

I've decided that I will accept you for what you tell me.  It's hard to remember, I just took a walk.

About seeing if I can accept your decisions for others, I had some opinion.

For what you tell me, I mean I still will accept you, as in its original meaning.  I can't remember exactly what I was thinking now..

I want to know why you're so disgusted at me.. Oh, you didn't really tell me anything, but in the world of codes and possible meanings of how you see someone.  I just am in sorta a rage and have 3 mental disorders: schizophrenia, autism, and bipolar.  I guess that makes me even trashier, but try telling the psychiatrist and therapist they are not inborn.  You can see I'm fighting a losing battle.

I just don't remember what it was, it was something more amazing....but I mean yea I will still see if you make sense to me.

I don't understand your anger.  I don't really do everything Ellen DeGeneres tells me.  I said..hard to even remember..

(1) How would you feel if you were always told about someone else when you are talked to by someone as though it's your fault.  I mean, did you even consider this a possibility of happening?  Surely, you don't like it.  If you like the girl, that's fine, but this is ridiculous.  I'm not totally denying what you do.  I see you're in a trap, but I see you dealt with it.  I'm just talking about it.  I am guessing you don't talk about that stuff, and I'm worried it'll make you mad I did it.

(2) This was funny actually--you think I'm trash when you make all that money and I don't get anything for all I've done which is already an insult?  What does this have to do with the girl?  Yes, I'm poor.  I might be Middle Class.  I'm trying to comfort you about your secrets.  Are you happy about being rich?  Can you accept it?  Are you comfortable??  Isn't it some great prize you finally attained?  You can see I don't have many friends and talk like I'm my dad.  You seem to think it more a moral situation.

So

Whites attack Chinese, but Chinese don't attack whites.

Where You're From

It's all the angle you look at things that makes the difference in IQ.

I notice

people using the rules of race to their advantage only when put on the spotlight..

So

Let Asians chose.

Crossing the Border

So, Ellen has crossed borders, I didn't dislike her for that.

So

Spanish people know whites will come to them for their Latino heritage.

Leave Asians alone.

They look funny cuz they have a different ancient culture.  I have white genes, and I think the genes from the dad have already been said to count..

I just made a convincing argument.

If you have a comment, say it, don't spray it.

Otherwise, I should be good to go.

Should I..

..be accepted as all white because it's a race you'd be if you had white skin?  If I like being white, shouldn't I?  I feel people think I'm black or I look Asian or I'm shaped like a different animal.  You all give other non-whites benefits I don't have.  I'm sure it's happened to other Asians.  Let's talk like I'm white and I'm in the game and I'm not a loser?  The only problem is up until now no one seems to have been a winner, so everyone still had a chance.  Is this the kind of language you're talking?

Instagram

Trash?

That's a good idea.  I seriously have nothing to do.

What do you guys think of the posts I've posted on living in Saint Augustine, FL, the nation's oldest continuing city, founded in 1565?  If you haven't read them, it's like a girl's fantasy to live in the Renaissance..  Most people there don't talk about it.

Dead Dog

I think my parents were abusive to my brother's dog.  They wanted him to feel funny feelings.  I was thinking of how the dog felt my dad would punish it emotionally if it's not on top of being a certain way that's weird.

Vocaroo

This is an old post.  The 1st 2 songs of this are good, my singing starts right out loud when it comes in.


Record and upload voice >>

Vocaroo

Loud
end is Loud



Audio recording and upload >>

Let me be the 1 to know

ya'll are hyperactive.  I already agreed not to try to steal someone famous all for myself.  Ya'll all running around not knowing half of what's happening to you that didn't happen to me.  *}:

So, I caught this--

This English singer just wants to know you could afford to take private voice, doesn't care about anything else in the singing world.  Wants to rat on people like me who struggled for instruction and learning by oneself..

What more could a girl want than

co-friends to drive Josh Groban nuts?  I don't like following him and posting on Twitter, but I like reading his Twitter.

Vocaroo

some ALW

with Josh Groban from concert linked via YouTube

LOUD singing by me - careful


Record music and voice >>

Romeo and Juliet

There is a big fight that Josh Groban resides over even talent from church singing..

Day in and out

do you wanna hear about your non-white race?

Vocaroo

ALW with Josh Groban from last night..


Online recording software >>

1's enough

That duet.  Should I watch more, eventually?

Humph!

People like Josh Groban out on their own welcomed by everyone for being famous living in LA as a good singer.  I am so uncomfortable ATM (at the moment.)

Vocaroo

ALW like Josh Groban's concert



Voice Recorder >>

We probably

already saw the South as good.  Why tell people from coastal areas now they are shit?  They already wanted to be the right way.

Instagram

Problem

My dad and his oldest sister are in some transe that they can just be mean to me for no reason all the time.

My dad is an *beep*

My dad is idiotic.  I told him how I didn't need parents, and he acted like it was a good laugh, that I would need my own parents to parent me and discipline me in *** perverted ways.  Do you get the kind of idea I'm thinking of?  Like go in and be mean to me as though I need punishment, all things from the past that others don't get punished for, things that weren't really all bad on my part if at all pertaining to them.  They think they can be mean to me all the time cuz I'm not some robot.

Interesting..

Lindsey Stirling, an attractive young violinist from LA, is Tweeting Josh Groban, which makes me happy.  I didn't get much of a response and am trying to be an actress, an open venue.  I will post my singing and dancing when I am rich.

Auditions

Pinterest

When Your Offspring|Youth Start Using It

When young adults start to use something negative as a buffer for worse things not to happen.

When young adults want something in their sense of confidence against the fact that those older want us to lead ourselves.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Anyone want to discuss health of their body?

Age 0 - mother's milk 
Age 1 - peas please 
Age 2 - plain chicken and icky ketsup, that God awful stuff - corn 
Age 3 - POP corn and CHOCOLATE milk 
Age 4 - PBJ? 
Age 10 - sandwiches with lotta ham and turkey and nothing else on white bread 
Age 11 - not the sandwiches! 
Age 12 - things like frozen eggrolls, Pizza Pockets at home watching CATS 
Age 14 - hs - their burgers, pizzas, .. 
Age 15-19 - very healthy 

Age 20 - chicken and pasta 
Age 21 - frozen hamburgers with spice on wheat bread, homemade pizza with spice 
Age 22.. - tried to eat healthier 
Age 24-5 - I became fatter in the end, pizza pockets, etc.., burgers with ketsup 
Age 26-8 - maybe ate with fam sometimes 
Present - Trying to diet again like when I was a teen - like, I just had a carrot. I want the total diet, but I'll have to have some fats, oils, and sweets for my metabolism. I wanna cook more, did some before but not much. Going back to sammiches, cooking dinners sometimes, stews, mushy rice and chicken.. smoothies, juice.. random veggies - not a fasting diet

Crazy

So, 28 is too early to have a kid for the girl but not for the dude?

Ate

Cheese Stick
Hot Dog on Wheat with Katsup
Beef Raman Noodles with some Saltines

Carrot

Water
(Juice before)

Enough for Me to Get Up After I Finish Eating

The truth is inappropriateness is inappropriateness.  Ellen may think to laugh at a girl from Orlando dying from cancer who had a Spanish dad and exotic eyes who wanted to be a makeup artist.  The truth is we all struggle with inappropriate things, and it's not any different the fact it's something inappropriate.  We see people like Ellen needing to be inappropriate while she flails around explanations for her "beastliness" or whatever.  She's constantly at people for who they are.  If you're good, she'll find something little and be like, "Oh kay," while the problem is to do with the public thinking they are too old to be her kid or of someone her age.

Don't take this as the Gettysburgh Address, it's a topic that causes great pain of its existence.  Sad it happens..  :(  I don't mean anyone should not exist, but I know Ellen thinks she deserves to exist more cuz her mom apparently gave her whatever she wanted and needed.  She has rounded up the Baby Boomers or Late Boomers and their parents generations as the only people with substance and that everyone else has to listen to their mistakes cuz they lived a better life.  So, kick the dirt on the floor of asking money for the needy.

Did you know

it's a practice in the New Orleans area to make unfortunate more important?  Ellen thinks she's in power and the opposite- where she's from.

It should be about everyone fairly from what they earned, too.  Some people, like me, make themselves independent in such success cuz they don't wanna give anything up.

GERBER - pennies a day

grows from like $10,000-$100,000 of backup money

IMDb - The Soapbox

I'm trying to get into NYFA-

Don't like leaving home, but maybe it's time. It will be the length of 3 semesters. They have a conservatory program and a college program, even Dance. I chose the Associates in Film Acting, which is the length of 3 semesters. I can come home after a year.. Can't see why not. Unless they're just busy.

I think this program is based in LA.

I e-mailed UCF

about directing, gonna check out NYFA.

Audition

Okay..

..I don't want people to say I suck just because Bella Thorne exists.. She's the new Nell Burton.  What about people like Alexa Bravva, played by Polish actress Izabella Miko.  She moved to America when she was 15.  Are you going to just self-disrupt in jealousy over her, as well?

What do you think about people who say obvious things

in order to be seen as ***y?  Like, did you know that you're all stereotyping on the same "original" boys??  Well, they stereotyped it, themselves.  That's why they must care.  They are way behind in the game.  Even boys from a long time ago lost their chance and suffer today.  They didn't know how to be seen as something like that and took on other roles and personas established.

Want to know what really boils me up?

People like Ellen and Depp from the South acting like they know what to do and like all along I haven't been this good, well-behaved, well-liked girl.

Instagram

Airbender

The girl said she hadn't had that fun since a kid, and a dude said she was a kid.  Why are people mean about if I'm a kid?  Ellen spread it across the world?  Really, though, not just being sarcastic?

Ironic

for someone like Josh Groban to think others trash with deserving more money than us.  I am poor technically.

I just saw an ad

of a boy in soccer on Hotmail, and he looked like he dug up my past for doing soccer the summer before college.

Then there was this young girl in a McD commercial who rolled her head a lot quickly and spurted, "Awesome," somehow looked a bit like an old best friend.

Those Brats

link

Ya'll just like Ellen who was mean to me and hate me now cuz she said so!

Brat on Commercials

They got these kids to look bemused AT ME with a fish tank commercial getting to look at fish!  They are not older than me, brats!

People

put the lid on Echo Boom if they're note famous but talented in the community NOT to become famous.  Like I'm not even the right person?

Well, I have nothing impressive to say..

..I don't know why ya'll purposely replaced me with another person.  How'd you like to feel that?

Sorry

Did you not like my compliments about that wild girl?  I would love to be psychoanalyzed.  I can't find anything positive about a bad egg!  I mean, she is mean to me.  Those words were more neutral, I think.

Sorry if you're real

Ellen.  I didn't want to hurt ANYONE's feelings on my real blog, neither.  I just included the background info., I guess.

Problem

Ellen is a wacko on Twitter today and always online.  She just acted like she gives that girl attention as punishment.  Doesn't she care about anything?  Why should we care what we say about her if she is just plain mean to us?  Who cares if I was upset at what she did?  I'm not like everyone else, neither.  She's just villainous.  I am not like everyone else in that way, and that girl is vile, obnoxious, beastly, impulsive, reckless, unrefined a ha ha ha, and I found some other word I wish I could replace.. in the face of confronting others actually seems a bit thoughtless..  Those words are not all just shit, they describe a general and wild girl.

I don't care about that girl so much

she doesn't even wanna be on my Follow list.  Well, she does, actually.

Let Ellen have her fun.

Instagram

Where Dreams Come True

See?

I want to talk to my brother, there's nothing there to talk about!  I'm just a piece of SHIT!

Problem

I used to live going to school on a schedule.

Then, I lived at college near home.  Now, I feel too old for the school environment and don't feel like doing their homework.  I do wanna be a movie star, singer, dancer..

I am so stressed right now and don't feel like going to bed at this second and fear I will be awake soon.  My hamster also wakes me up.

My dad got hot dogs, and I need something else.  I do eat carrots and when I have my other veggies.

I wish my mom cooked my dad better food.  They are adamant about my cooking, but like the next thing we're gonna have isn't ready and the last was finished off.

Look at this weirdo

thinking he's me.

All smiles today shooting with @TylerGPosey & @ChloeGMoretz! Video coming soon to FOD! pic.twitter.com/MBOPvzz0wl
— Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) August 14, 2014

Why

do people like Ellen seem to really base divisions on race rather than anything about personality?  No offense..

Too Bad

The topic of this post, but I made a point.

http://christina-ann-1986.blogspot.com/2014/08/imdb-soapbox_14.html

The 1 @ the lady in the hospital not on my shit list.

Pinterest

Instead of hurting others

why do adults hate us and prepare the red carpet that we're tacky before anyone can think twice that we "say" something?

What's so funny

and cutesy like "the thing" when you talk about me, think I have some secrets that are funny?  Like, I'm really simple and my calculations "make things easy?"

It sounds like

major indians were Russian and minor indians were Chinese, and there was mixing and other races, like Japan and southern Asia|Pacific.

Like, Cherokee|Iroquois were Russian, and like Sioux and maybe Navajo were Chinese?

indians

Now

Ellen does not think like a real person but a toy cuz she's in LA.  She won't think through problems.  She just expects there to be none, and honey they're ain't as long as freedom of speech exists.

IMDb - The Soapbox

The people here are agitated and on something.

It's made it hard to think and make my time here worth my services..

I know

you say I'm not racially friendly cuz yer really racist.

Good

Mental torture and not execution.

It's true.

After my class graduated, it was not about parental figures born 1961 and before, so it's not like that, now.  Problem!

More

What about Bella acting so cool and happy she's not in trouble?  I'm not in trouble.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Who thinks Ellen is a hoax?

I said I don't wanna hear this fat, tacky lady from the mental hospital, she was huge and stupid on purpose. I don't wanna be turned into her for fun. She doesn't think. She thinks you just punish someone about something if something is a problem, and that's stupid as you just saw me indicate. It's too late, you gotta know this already, not wait for some stupid teens to grow up. I'm already 28.

Too Late

I'm less than perfect but wish I could help miserable people.  But they all think I'm stupid shit not worth a crap.

I saw what happened

to the idea of racially accepting nonwhites who display the right signs.  I caught Ellen, too, she'd ask, "The right signs of what?" or, "How stupid if no one knew what that meant?"  She doesn't agree!..

Afterthoughts

Exhibit A

There was a lady named Ellen age 55 with a child named Christina age 20.  She had a 2nd child age 10 named Bella.

Exhibit B

There was a lady named Ellen age 50 with a brother aged 60 with a child age 20.  Her child was age 10.

If the

DeGeneres's don't worry about the truth, I don't have much to worry about.

@ChloeGMoretz I think she'd like her, too. Chloe is from Georgia and NYC, and Bella is Latino and American and from SE FL.
— Christina Barrett (@ChrisAnnBarrett) August 14, 2014

Not Safe?

People in general do not agree with this, always talking about that girl when you talk to me..

@LauraBenanti -cows, chickens, pigs
— josh groban (@joshgroban) August 14, 2014

My hamster just said I was kinder to the girl than others.

I bring it up cuz it's brought up it might be traumatic for my biological brain-